I woke up the morning of my birthday this past Thursday to a kiss on the lips from Kate, Anthony & Lucy paraded in to tell me Happy birthday, & Luke gave me a smooch and a Happy Birthday! Anthony was very excited and just couldn't wait for me to get downstairs. So my hopes that there would be something really special waiting downstairs for me, got the best of me.
I started envisioning something big! My big is a series of little things, something that makes me feel acknowledged and celebrated. I just need to feel an effort has been made!
So as I'm heading downstairs, I'm envisioning last years birthday. Luke went all out! Birthday's are not his thing so I've had to give years of schooling, and last year it paid off! I had a card, a letter, a Starbucks gift card, a Bacon Gouda breakfast sandwich(my favorite breakfast sandwich), an Americano (my favorite morning drink), and flowers all waiting for me when I got up in the morning. I was overwhelmed.
This year. ... I walked downstairs with my hopes high to a dirty kitchen & a messy kitchen counter!!! with NO thoughtful birthday gifts! Luke & I share a lot of home duties, and I did not clean up last night... so it really wasn't that crazy that the kitchen was dirty. But it was my birthday!
I have been so exhausted & depleted from my jewelry season flowing right into the holidays. So I'd been really looking forward to this day... I have to say... I had to walk out of the room and make an excuse to do some task... anything to hide the tears in my eyes.. And I felt vulnerable, and hurt, so I got combative and difficult. It turned all polite.... which I am one for real... not polite. I was crushed. So I began sulking...
And I think this is truly why I am not a big holiday person! All other days of the year it's my responsibility to make my day good. I decide what I need in my life and I put it there. On this day (and Mother's Day) I set those feelings or intentions aside, and let the ones I love take care of me. .. So there I was.. sulking.. feeling sorry for myself. My best friend Emily & text daily. She's my sounding board, the one who talks me down, and gives me perspective. She talked me through this one, and I decided to text Luke and tell him I was hurt.
And said!!! He had a letter written he was going to give me at dinner, flowers were on their way, he was going to get crab legs for us for this evening, and have the kids sing happy birthday and take their picture with me with cake. Well.. now who's the jerk!!! Man did I put my foot in my mouth! I felt like such an ass!!
Luke & I ate crab legs together while the kids ran around and played and listened to music by the Descendants (Lucy's favorite movie). It was unexpectedly everything I wanted.
Thank you for reading!!!
Have a good one!!