11 ways to get comfortable with getting help.
When the going gets tough … may I remember that my life is what it is, not what I ask for. May I practice with what I’m given, rather than wish for something else. May I assume nothing. May I turn my gaze up to the sky above my head rather than down to the mess at my feet. When the going gets tough may I choose love over fear. Every time. -Katrina Kenison
I remember the first time I made the connection between the seasons and my depression. It was November 2005 and I felt that like I was sinking into a black hole, I was completely stuck inside my head, and I didn’t feel at all like myself. Somehow, I learned about seasonal depression and found an LED blue light that helped to replace the waves of light that I was missing in the winter, oh I was so thrilled! But I can also remember hiding it from my now husband. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and afraid that it wouldn’t work, so I kept it to myself. I felt that I should be in control of my body and my mind and I hated that I wasn’t.
It’s not a lack of a phone that prevents you from calling a doctor for help. It’s not your inability to talk that prevents you from confiding in a close friend. It’s often something deeper.
If you are feeling suicidal, Do not mess around. You are not a failure, you are someone who has been carrying the weight too long. You deserve to get better. You Matter. Get help immediately. NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LINE 1-800-273-8255.
We get to the beauty through the brutal. Not over or around or under but straight through. We do not ignore each other’s pain – we help carry it. -Glennon Doyle
Here are somethings that I want you to know about getting help
It very well might be the hardest thing you ever do, but it will be the most meaningful, the most brave, the most life changing. I felt so much shame in my need to get help. I am someone who likes very much to handle things, and likes to appear to others as if she’s handling it. I had to let that go to get help. It wasn’t easy. However, my journey through mental illness has been full of self-discovery and has led me to the where I am at now and I am grateful for that. I grew up believing you go to high school, then college, then get married, & have a family. That there were boxes you just checked off. Going through mental illness has taught me to evaluate every choice I make, and realize I am meant to live joyfully, and taught me what that means for me. I understand that it is my responsibility to get to know me and what makes me feel joy, and make sure I make choices to include that in my day. Checking off status quo boxes never would have taught me that.
2. Getting help doesn’t make you weak. Depression is mental illness. Cancer is a physical illness. If God forbid you learned you had cancer, would you getting treatment because you were embarrassed? Hell no!!! It would be obvious that you needed treatment. Please, I implore you, do the same thing with your anxiety, panic, depression, etc. Your mental illness is telling you mind, body, soul are sick and needs healing. If you no longer feel yourself, ask for help.
3. Life isn’t supposed to be a constant struggle. Saying this now, feels absurd, but at one point in my life, I had been struggling for so long, it was all I knew. It was familiar, and in some ways I have to admit I clung to it. There are going to be seasons of your life that are harder than others, but in those seasons, you need to give yourself grace, you need to rest, & you need to recover. If this season of your life has taken a life of it’s own, and you feel like you’re no longer in the driver’s seat. You need to find help.
4. There are many valid methods of treatment. Getting help is not a one size fits all type of thing. There are SO many different types of treatment. I tried Xanax before, it didn’t work for me, does it mean it won’t work for you? NO! Does it mean there are no other treatment options?? NO!!! I see a naturopath and have a multi-faceted approach to my mental health. Do you need to do the same! Absolutely not. There is a version of treatment for every personality type out there. Ranging from prescription medication to gratitude journaling. Each approach is different, fits a different scope of illness, and different type of person. If it works for you it’s valid.
5. Don’t wait until you’ve completely fallen apart. It took me a long to time to have the courage to get help, I felt strength in the fight, in handling it all, and also fear that no one could help me, that I’d never get better. After struggling on and off for years, one of things I learned is to get help right away. Don’t wait until you’ve completely fallen apart. I did this. The problem with waiting is that the negative thought patterns that depression and anxiety introduce to your brain don’t just go away after you start feeling better. You have to do a lot of work to make them go away. It’s important work, but it’s also really difficult.
6. There is no shame in getting help. I believe that my deepest fear about getting help was that it’d confirm that there was something wrong with me at my core level, because that’s what depression and anxiety made me feel. Thankfully, I kept getting worse and had no other option than to get help. I say thankfully, because once I got better my mind got clearer and I was able to let go of the lies my mind was telling me. Don’t let the fear of what others will think stop you from getting help. Don’t let yourself believe something bad about you for getting help. If you’re not feeling well, it is the right thing to do to find a way to start feeling better.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; - The serenity prayer
7. Stop trying to do it all yourself! Strength comes from surrendering to what is, and asking for help. In fact when I was drowning in post-partum depression, I felt a huge turn, when I talked to God wholeheartedly, I said I can no longer carry this burden, I no longer know what to do, I surrender. I prayed the serenity prayer fervently, and all of the struggle of fighting what was happening, it fell away. I thought that surrendering was giving up, but what I learned is that it’s the first step towards healing. The truth was, I was just wearing myself out, I wasn’t getting any closer to better. Admitting I had a problem, and quitting the shouldering it all by myself changed things for me. I took my first step of many, but it was towards healing.
8. You might fail at first, but it’s a good thing. Failure, is simply a tool that you can use to learn more about yourself, how to do something better, what works for you, and what does not. I am absolutely NOT telling you not to try. I’m talking that even when you do your best, things don’t always turn out the way you planned. More than likely, getting help is going to be a journey, but the beautiful thing about that is that you learn more about yourself what you need, where your boundaries are, what works and what doesn’t work each time. You get stronger, you get wiser.
9. Getting help is often multi-faceted. I call my methods extreme self-care. I have my blue LED seasonal depression light, for when the winter sinks into my pores. I make weekly dates with my people when I know I’m going to be in a tough season. I check in through text often with my closest friends, and I’m honest about how I’m doing, so I can lean on them for strength when I need it, and I can be there for them when they need me. I have a doctor I can email as soon as I start feeling not right. I have a sister who checks in to see how I’m really doing. I have a camera that I can use to search for the beauty in my life that is no doubt in front of me, but in this moment I can’t feel it. I have a husband that I can be honest with about I can practice gratitude when my mind starts getting overly negative. I can write to help me make sense of the feelings that are painful, but that I can’t understand.
10. You have to be your own advocate. You have to trust that you know yourself better than anyone else. I saw a lot of different therapists, read a lot of books, saw a lot of different doctors. Some worked some didn’t. It’s ok to let something go that doesn’t work. But absolutely, stick with what does.
11. Repeat. Don’t give up. The phrase “this too shall pass” always seemed like a really insensitive thing to tell people when they’re having a hard time, but I have to begrudgingly admit for me it has been true. There are seasons for everything. Some are really rough, but they can open your eyes to the blessings you have in front of you once you’re feeling better, and they can be the catalyst for growth into an even more amazing you.
I hope this meets you where you’re at and lifts you up.
You are not alone in this & you matter so much to me!
Mandy